I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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