The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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