What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
