she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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