I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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