The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
