In the future we'll all be gay
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
