escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
