This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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