hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
