Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
