based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
