the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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