Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm like, not good at living.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
