Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
