For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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