yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
