im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize