listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
