If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
