There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
