I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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