I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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