even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
