First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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