We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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