i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
