Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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