cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
