David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
