Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
