I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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