good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
