I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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