i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
