I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
