dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
