glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
