can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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