my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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