May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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