It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
