I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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