I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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