piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
