ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
