I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
