we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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