mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
