I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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