Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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