Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
