why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
