But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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