i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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