so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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