doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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