Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
