My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
