the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
