Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think your dad took our porno
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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