I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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