Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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