i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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