Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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