I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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