I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
