My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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